Tuesday, January 25, 2011

SXM-Boats,beaches and bollocks






24.01.2011

Sint Maarten, (Dutch), St Martin, (French), or SXM as it is also often called, has really grown on us. It is so much more than the smallest island in the world, controlled by two separate countries, which happens to be a duty free boating Mecca.
Only about 20% of the inhabitants were born on the island, with the rest being made up by “foreigners”, who have brought with them the skills and expertise that make things work.
Apart from the huge lagoon area, accessible to boats up to 200ft superyachts via two lifting bridges, it also has a huge Cruise liner docking facility in Philipsburg, which had 8 such vessels when we arrived before Xmas. The town of Philipsburg caters to these liners, with a top class beachfront lined with restaurants and palm trees, and one road back, with Jewelers and Electronic stores.
Thanks to a few island tours with Tom & Johness, we have got to see much more of SXM than many, including Grande Case and the big and beautiful Orient Bay, and its five beach areas of Kakao, Bikini, Waikiki, Coco Beach and Kontiki.
It was to this lovely area we were again taken yesterday. Yachts and Superyachts were anchored in the bay.

We started walking from the one end, with Tom and I discussing his challenges of starting a new business. I then noticed a fellow shuffling towards us, dribbling two coconuts with his feet. As he got closer, I could not help but detect that they were not coconuts, but two bloody great Brinjals in a floppy sack attached to his person where his legs met! Yes, we had just crossed over onto the Nudist, or “clothing optional” beach! I mean this poor man was in serious trouble! He either had had a transplant operation with a large bull, or suffered a serious medical problem caused by bruising as the brinjals were being kicked along the beach by his kneecaps! Now I have spent most of my life in clothing, and could not think of any pair of underpants, shorts or whatever, that could accommodate tackle on this scale. A babies pram, or a supermarket trolley could have done the job, but that would have looked equally silly on the beach.

All my life, I’ve always been a legs and boobs fancier myself, but its just not done, to stare and gape at the merchandise on display on such a beach! One has to adopt a carefree, nonchalant eyes down type of disposition. As such, it is only the extreme curiosities that one notices in ones peripheral vision. I was pleased to register that amongst the field of button mushrooms, there were only a couple of Boomerangs and Puff Adders. Most of what was on show , was fat ,floppy and flaccid , for both genders!

What did strike me as very unusual, was the removal of body hair….obviously an attention seeking highlighting technique. Now, many of us will have chuckled at the concept of an excited partner experiencing a “wide on”, but never had I imagined that it could be a physical reality! Normally such matters would be discreetly hidden behind a furry triangle, or carefully trimmed “landing strip”. But no, not here in the care free and hair free zone! What I had the misfortune to witness, was not so much a “wide on”, as a Dual Carriageway… ….Black River Pathway in Cape Town came to mind!

Thank goodness we soon made it back to Bikini Beach where we could sit down and have a quiet beer, lunch and a giggle, in a normal world. Even the pretty young mother, topless, walking hand in hand with costumed hubby and kids, looked totally “normal”!
My friend Etienne always believed that the designer of the bonnet on the old Volkswagen Beetle was inspired by women in bathing costumes. Truly, the sexiest costumes really are those that leave something to the imagination!

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